A New Beginning

How do I start such a momentous story? There are so many things to tell you. First, I will tell you that we saw our baby's heart beat this morning. That was the moment when we were both able to breathe a sigh of relief and say "Okay, this time is different." It was the moment we have been waiting for before we told friends and family. It was the moment our anxiety was relieved and we were able to start our journey into parenthood.

Our little girl (I am sure she is a girl and will continue to call her such until I am told otherwise) is the size of a blueberry today- 10,000 times large than she was at conception. I just love the image of having a little blueberry-child nesting inside of me. I am not 10,000 times the size I was six weeks and four days ago but sometimes think I might be before it's all over.

I am, however, pimple-faced, boated, nauseated (constantly), and only slightly moody. Ok, you're right... I am moody as all get-out and all I want to eat is tortilla chips and Skittles. And chocolate. And fresh pineapple (a craving for sure). For a while I was eating everything in sight. I ate every two hours for a couple of weeks and looked like I was three months pregnant because I was so full of food. I even bailed out on hanging out with friends one night because I looked so big I was afraid someone would guess correctly that I was pregnant.

While I feel beautiful because I am a mother again- and because Wesley is so kind to tell me I am beautiful- I don't feel very pretty. My hair is a mess, make-up is a rarity, and I am just not 'glowing.' In fact, people at work keep telling me I look a little green (gee, thanks!). So I went to the mall today and got myself a little treat, two actually. I found two shirts on sale at the Banana Republic (my favorite store) that I intend on wearing a little later. One will be for spring, when I just start showing and one is a flowing black sleeveless blouse that I intend on wearing this summer. They are both very pretty and it gives me a little something to look forward to in addition to the growing belly (Oh God, stretch marks!).

I am thankful every day and every time my body does some uncomfortable or obnoxious thing to let me know my baby is ok (can we say belching?!). Every mood swing, every wave of nausea, every time I cry at that stupid All State commercial about the "Great Recession" I know that everything is ok.

A year ago I felt sick in a very different way. My heart was racing too fast, I was getting short of breath, and I just wasn't well. Things weren't right. This time, I feel better than ever. I feel how I think I am supposed to feel. My little girl is healthy. And we are happy.